it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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