you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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