my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
