after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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