wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
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From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
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Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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