We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
