True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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