I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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