I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
