Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
