I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
