is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
