walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
