I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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