I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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