My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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