just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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