I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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