If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
