I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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