**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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