I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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