20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
