youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
