There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
