Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
