I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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