He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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