I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
