This girl is more easily done than said...
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
