my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
