those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
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No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
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Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate