Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!