a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
