You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
