You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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