he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
