Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
