My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
