I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
