Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
