Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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