she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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