where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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