Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
