she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I supernannyed him into submission
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
