My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
