Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
