don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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