Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
