I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Randomize
