You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
