if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
