hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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