first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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