if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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