On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
