wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
