can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
