does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You ruined the universe
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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