we're blogging at a bar
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
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This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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