She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
