so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
