Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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