Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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