Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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