talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
