It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Randomize
