I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
