the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
