I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
