Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
