do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I stole an accordion from the bar
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop