My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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