whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
