I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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